I have learned a lot, dear bloggery!
Like, that I can still feel feelings! And that I can fall in love and that my fabulous and ferocious heart is still intact enough to be busted up! And that I was right in my superstitious decision to swear off the Pisces boys some years ago! I won't screw up that promise anymore, lord knows, and I don't give a single F regarding how adolescent that might sound.
He was about to get hired with me and we were making plans to go out west in four months. Travel, music, creativity, all the time this hipstery space giraffe watching over us. People we met in the beginning, they just assumed we were together. He says one night, "I'm falling in love with you," and I freak out and spaz for weeks because he lives with girl-of-three-years. Says it's flat-lining, he's not inspired anymore. Says I enrich his life.
Then, eh, he goes [essentially] 'Nevermind'.
There are more cheap shots I could take than all the rail whiskeys at the bar right now.
I am mad as hell. The worst part about it is that it wasn't my idea. It was his idea! It was a sticky situation from the beginning. And, yes, I have learned. Looking back it's funny that I didn't figure it out from the get-go. How could I expect him to be an honest person when everything about what he felt about me was indicative of dishonesty within his life?
It's this fucking small town, man. There's nowhere to escape, all our people are at all the same places all the time. I can't vanish.
I didn't gorge on ice cream and watch sex and the city marathons.
I woke at 4:40am, rose at 5:45, wrote till past sunup, and took a sick day.
If there's anything this gal can do, it's bounce back with a buoyant brilliance. Seeking shelter at a cafe in Harrisonburg where no one knows who I am.
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